Report filed by Constable Comma:
Greetings citizens of the English Language community. We, the Grammar Police, are an anonymous group dedicated to uncovering and shaming those who would dare to mangle and torture the English language. We like to take down pictorial evidence of horrendous, teeth-grinding displays of how the standards of today’s grammar are in decline. No more is this exemplified than on our streets and on the many signs adorning the shop windows. Basically, we like to poke fun at people who can’t spell or construct a proper sentence, or use correct grammar, or abuse the poor apostrophe. So we shall endeavor to post the worst in this magazine. Consider this a public service, an education for those who may be rusty in their own English skills, as well as for posterity and the ongoing refinement of the English language as a whole.
We’ll start off with some Apostrophe Abuse. Apostrophes are one of the trickiest of grammatical constructs. Mastering it is a skill that eludes even the most learned of writers. But still…sometimes, a bit of common sense helps.
This awe-inspiring example of horrendous grammar comes courtesy of a shop in Boston, Lincs, that sells signs. SIGNS! One would hope that a shop that specialises in making posters and advertisements would have a strong command of the English language. But no. You’d be better off making your own.
I don’t care what they think is Big (unnecessary capitalisation there), but that “its” definitely needs an apostrophe.
Looks like the apostrophes needed in the previous two signs wound up, strangely, in this shop window in Sheffield. Age Matter’s….what? What belongs to Age Matter? We at the GP Headquarters are still scratching our collective heads at this one. Then, after skipping over the horrible spelling mistake of “knifes” we have further abuse in the form of lighter’s. When will this torture cease?
Thanks for attending this week’s session with the Grammar Police. Remember, we are a very small voluntary organisation, so if any budding officers out there would like to take down evidence of horrendous grammar, please feel free to send us your examples of bad grammar to: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Next Week: Curse of the Corrupted Comma!
Constable Comma over and out.